The Power of YES

As I am sitting here in front of my laptop writing this; I can't help but cry. This cry is a mixture of confusion and excitement, anxiousness and joy as well as anger and conviction.  Let me tell you the backstory before we jump too far ahead.

In The Beginning

My walk with Jesus started in the womb. My mother would always tell me that when I decided to make my grand entrance into the world, she was at a church convention in New Jersey.    She said, "The convention was too good to leave in the midst of it.”  She wasn't ready to leave the service. My mother had two options: give birth at the church or head to the hospital and hear about the convention afterwards. Fast forward several years (in my late teens) I gave my life to Christ and vowed to walk a more Christian lifestyle after years of rebelling against the church; due to being church hurt in my youth.  Releasing this hurt was my first step in seeing God's hand on my life. Yet, I still wasn't fully walking in the way I needed to because my life did not necessarily align with His will.  Yes I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior but I was still smoking socially, drinking irresponsibly, partying and speaking in a way that did not edify the kingdom.

Testimony Time

My ill behavior nearly cost me my life.  I left a church service to go to brunch with a friend. It really was one of my favorite brunch locations so there was no need to think twice about it.  While baking in the sun and taking one drink after another, it was time to drive home.  Yes I know, I should have requested an Uber or a Lyft. Yet in this moment, I wasn't thinking and my company was worse off then I was.  I chugged some water, turned on the GPS, blasted the AC along with my favorite playlist and headed down the highway towards my condo. When I realized I needed help, no one was available.  I called nearly everyone in my phone but there was no answer.  The only option I had left was to call on God.  (Oh no, here come the tears again!!!)

I called on Him because I was beyond scared and extremely disappointed in myself.  This was not the life I was manifesting.  This was not a representation of who I am meant to be.  All i could do was plead to God the entire drive home to keep me alert and safe. When I finally parked the car, I made an agreement to God and myself.  This was the beginning of my Yes.

So What Happened Next

Realigning my life required me to say No with no explanation to why.  It was time to get serious.  So I packed up my life (for the 2nd time), moved back North to surround myself with people who will uplift, encourage and walk with me. I created a plan, printed it out, framed it and hung it up in my new highrise apartment in the heart of the city of Atlanta. While still shaking off some old habits, I began to curate the life I wanted to love. A life of pure joy, a soft life, a light life.  I want to live this verse aloud everyday;  "16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven" Matthew 5:16 . While watching the sun set and with an open heart, I told God YES, 100% YES.  I'm all in and ready for Him to elevate my life. 

A snake goes through several shedding stages to remove the old dull skin while embracing a cloudy vision.  After the shedding stage is complete, their skin appears brighter and more vibrant.  In a way, I feel like I'm shedding skin; meaning my taste is changing.  Change in how I see myself, change in how I show up, change in how I dress, change in how I speak and even a change in how I allow others to speak to me. Being slow to anger, slow to responding, embracing slow mornings to hear from God, embracing the small still clear voice, studying His word, allowing Him to convict me and understanding the glory in the why. Why am I shedding? Why can't this process be easier to handle? Why am I crying so much? Why do I feel restless in my own knowledge? When will this test be over?

Then I'm reminded that spiritual growth requires sacrifice;  "23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" Ephesians 4:23-24.  What am I sacrificing? Well, that's between myself and God. Let me be honest, this strip down process has been rough. My Yes started with a roaring cry for help.  It took strength to fully say Yes and not turn back.   It takes courage to not know what the next chapter of the book looks like but to keep walking in faith towards the prize. 

The Power of Yes

My story is my truth and it's my walk with God. The power of my yes, is a story that has yet to be told.  As I continue my journey and patiently wait for the stripping process to be over, I am reminded that this is just the beginning of a fresh wind.  A fresh wind for me looks  a little like.....

"God, while I am in the middle of this storm, when the weight feels too heavy and the way too unclear, I come to You, not with answers but with hope. Not with strength but with the belief that You can provide it.  Give me the courage to stand when I feel like falling. The patience to wait when nothing is changing. The faith to trust that this pain has a purpose.

Remind me that even in the hardest moments, You are not absent.  You are working.  Better days are not just wishful thoughts, they are promises in Your time.  Help me hold on until the breakthrough comes.  Help me grow stronger, not colder.  Help me become wiser, not bitter.  Let me rise from this, not broken but built.

Thank You for the better that is coming. 

Amen."